Posts Archived From: 'December 2006'

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Death … At The Zoo?

I paid Omaha’s Henry Doorly Zoo a visit Wednesday afternoon with my sister, her boyfriend and my mom.

Part of our time was spent inside the zoo’s aquarium. While taking in the sights of the fish (both dangerous and harmful alike) floating by, I heard a child ask his mother: “Mom, is that the same fish that killed Steve Irwin?”

We were inside an aquarium. An alligator was no where in site.

My, how kids say the darndest things.

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I Am A Slot Slut

After dinner with my family last night, we ventured downstairs to Harrah’s Council Bluffs for a little gambling.

My dad was gracious enough to give me, my sister and her boyfriend each $50 to gamble away as we please.

My sister and I went directly to the slot machines and tested our luck. Within 15 minutes, Katie had won $90. I had won $10.

I was ready to go home.

But then Katie took me to the slot machine that paid her gold earlier this year.

We said a prayer to my late grandma, who loved casinos and who, we’re convinced, helped Katie win the $400 this past June.

I won $160 last night after that prayer. And moments later, Matt won $150 on the same slot machine.

At the night’s end, I walked away with $184.

Thanks, Maw!

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Dear Santa…

If Santa adopted Dr. Phil’s “tell it like it is” philosophy, children everywhere might receive correspondence like this. Merry Christmas.

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?

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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid “Francis” nowadays? I bet you’re gay.

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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we’re sleeping? Do you really know when we’re awake, like in the song?

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m skipping your house.

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Dear Santa,
We don’t have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?

First, stop calling yourself “Marky.” That’s why you’re getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don’t live in a house; you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do: through your bedroom window.
Sweet dreams,

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Dear Santa,
I really, really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn’t work with me. You’re getting an ugly sweater again.

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What better way to celebrate the holiday season than with soundbites by Borat?

The page takes a bit to load but is most certainly worth the wait.

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Take A Look

While clicking around the Web this evening, I discovered Slate’s daily feature, Today’s Picture.

If you’re looking for a visual time-out or a little artistic inspiration, bookmark this Web page.

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Yet Another Top 10

Jason Keese, a fellow music snob and my managing editor at the Bellevue Leader newspaper, puts together his list of top albums every 365 days.

Below are Jason’s picks for 2006.

The top 10 albums of 2006 are, in no particular order:

– *Cat Power, “The Greatest” (such an obvious pick)
– *Band of Horses, “Everything All The Time”
– Hot Chip, “The Warning”
– Peter Bjorn and John, “Writer’s Block” (listening to them makes you feel cool, like Belle and Sebastian used to)
– *Cold War Kids, “Robbers and Cowards” (fucking incredible album; requires an expletive to describe)
– Tokyo Police Club, “A Lesson in Crime”
– *Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins, “Rabbit Fur Coat”
– Neko Case, “Fox Confessor Brings the Flood”
– Tapes ‘n Tapes, “The Loon”
– Jennifer O’Connor, “Over the Mountain, Across the Valley, and Back to the Stars”

Please note, an asterisk (*) denotes highest honors.

Honorable Mention:
– Belle and Sebastian, “The Life Pursuit”
– Alexi Murdoch, “Time Without Consequence” (a close #11)
– Yo La Tengo, “I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass” (a few good songs, yes, but really this makes it on album title alone)
– The Decemberists, “The Crane Wife”
– TV on the Radio, “Return to Cookie Mountain”
– Artic Monkeys, “Whateve People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not”

Best reissue of 2006 – or EVER, for that matter:
– R.E.M., “And I Feel Fine…:The Best of the IRS Years 1982-1987”

Album that will show up on EVERY other top 10 list but really only had 2 good songs:
– Gnarls Barkley, “St. Elsewhere”

Best song of 2006:
– “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley

Best cover song of 2006:
– “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley, covered by Ray LaMontagne

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Oh, What A Lucky Girl Am I

Subject: What I am going to get you for x-mas
Date: December 17, 2006 6:09:13 PM CST

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Too Dull?

I’m a sucker for clean design.

That’s why I created a hypothetical Wendy Townley logo with only gray and black Georgia text.

{For those I haven’t conversed with via email, I sign my electronic messages using this precise format.}

Do you have any ways to improve my logo? Or, perhaps you have an idea of your own.

If so, please share your creativity with me and the world.

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It Appears The Joke Is On Me

Dear Julie M. Haney

It has been many months since we last chatted. Well, we really didn’t exchange pleasantries of any degree. I simply forked over the approximate $2,200 last year for the 2006 property taxes on my Omaha home.

Thankfully, you accepted the payment in two, smaller installments.

You are too kind.

So you may imagine my delight and glee upon receiving your lovely letter in the mail this past week, as I wrap up holiday shopping and count my dwindling pennies for the gifts I’ve yet to purchase for family and friends.

It was another heartfelt correspondence from you, detailing my 2007 property taxes. You are sweet enough to, yet again, accept the $2,290.54 total in two payments, due April 1 and Aug. 1. And you even included two self addressed envelopes for my convenience.

What a sweet gesture.

Is there any relevance to that first, $1,145.27 payment being due on April Fool’s Day? Is this an attempt to be humorous? To lighten an otherwise dreadful situation?

If so, take a bow, Ms. Haney. Take a bow!


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On Dessert At Home

I had the pleasure of experiencing Omaha’s first Cheesecake Factory Friday afternoon for lunch.

After devouring my angel hair pasta, I ordered up a piece of the Factory’s Black-Out Cake.

It was, as you might imagine, a purely divine experience of chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate, topped off with homemade whipped cream.

I only ate half of my slab, though. I brought the rest home and have been sampling it all afternoon.

I’ve been tempted to set the cake in front of me near my Macintosh, but doing so would most certainly allow me to consume the remainder of the cake in one setting.

Instead I’ve left the cake on my kitchen counter. I walk into the kitchen every few minutes or so and take a bite, only to return to my office here at home.

True, I probably will finish off the cake just the same. However, I can claim getting just a wee bit of exercise in the process.


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