I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see all the in-duh-viduals who did this.)

Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

I’ve run away to join a different circus.

I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘ Steve ‘ instead of ‘Linda’

SEOUL, South Korea (AP) – A 28-year-old South Korean man died of exhaustion in an Internet cafe after playing computer games non-stop for 49 hours, South Korean police said Wednesday.

Lee, a resident in the southern city of Taegu who was identified only by his last name, collapsed Friday after having eaten minimally and not sleeping, refusing to leave his keyboard while he played the battle simulation game Starcraft.

Lee was quickly moved to a hospital but died after a few hours, due to what doctors are presuming was a heart attack, police said. Lee had been fired from his job last month because he kept missing work to play computer games, police said.

Computer games are enormously popular in South Korea, home to professional gamers who earn big money through sponsorships and television stations devoted to broadcasting matches.

So I recently sold my Nokia cell phone on eBay not because it’s broken, but because I now carry a U.S. Cellular cell phone, as they’re one of our clients.

No problem there, right?

Not quite.

I received the cell phone today, via UPS, packaged with a nastygram from the buyer. The small piece of plastic at the end of the retractable antenna is no longer there. It broke off months ago.

However, the cell phone works fine and the antenna still retracts.

The buyer, who I will add only had one piece of feedback before mine, wrote:

The phone you sold us has a broken antenna and is of no use to us. My wife has been greatly inconvenienced by this transaction. We were not told that the phone was broken and would not of purchase it had we of known.

(For starters, the buyer can’t write worth a shit.)

The letter continues:

We will report our dissatisfaction to eBay and other authorities if we do not receive the check in 14 days of this letter. At that time, we will pursue all recourse available to us to recoup or money.

Isn’t he blowing this a bit out of proportion? I think so. But if he wants his money back, fine.

Yet another item for my Lust List: Here it comes to save the day.

I am in dire need of a haircut. It has been just over four weeks since my last appointment, and I get the feeling I’m wearing a wig. My hair is so long! Thankfully, a much-needed trim is scheduled for Friday afternoon. For whatever reason, my hair grows much more quickly in the summer months than it does during fall and winter.

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I’m toying with the idea of writing a book. The topic? A few are floating through my brain, but nothing has latched on long enough for me to fully develop a character or two.

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I am loving my new iPod. With 60GB of space, I’ll never be without music. That’s for sure.

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Unfortunately, I am slowly losing motivation for “The Dark Tower” series simply because the second book, “The Drawing of the Three,” is lagging a bit. I’m told by the middle of book three, I will be blown away and hungry for books four through seven. I hope so.

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I’m in the mood for some new music. Any suggestions?

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Matthew has pulled at least 50 red, ripe and juicy tomatoes from his garden in the back yard. And, there’s more to come. Ah, summer!

My 20GB iPod is for sale on eBay, now through Sunday morning.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5794523189

I’ve had my new iPod for about four days now, and I absolutely love knowing I have 40GB of space yet to fill with songs and photos.

Speaking of photos, having photos on the iPod is a wonderful feature. I love looking a photos on my iPod rather than my cell phone.

A busy weekend ahead: Parties tonight, Saturday night and Sunday night. I hope I find time to wrap up a Wedding Dresses article, as well as read more of “The Drawing of the Three,” the second of Stephen King’s “Dark Tower” series, this weekend. I also have the latest issue of Oprah’s magazine sitting on my shelf, as well as countless issues of The New Yorker.

It looks like it could rain today. It wouldn’t be all that bad to have a few showers pass over Omaha.

There are several reasons why I’m awake and at my Macintosh at this hour.

One, I purchased Apple’s new 60GB color iPod this evening. Hooray! I’m so geeked up over the color screen and triple the hard drive, I can’t sleep. I’m just watching the songs slowly transfer to my new beauty.

Two, Matthew and I visited Caribou Coffee for the first time this evening. I ordered some kind of s’mores-inspired coffee drink. It was delicious. And caffeine after 7 p.m. can occasionally keep me from slumber.

Three, I’m deep into “The Dark Tower” series and want to read the whole night through. But I can’t, you see, because I have to work at 8 tomorrow morning.

After my PowerBook transfers my 3,800 songs to my iPod — and I have sufficient time to play around with my new love — I’ll post my thoughts.

My bosses are taking me and the rest of the staff to an Omaha Royals baseball game this afternoon. They decided we deserved an afternoon away from the office, based on the busy summer we’ve had. I’m hearing it will be close to 100 degrees today, but how can the summer heat ruin an afternoon away from work?

I’m halfway through “The Gunslinger,” Stephen King’s first of seven books in his “Dark Tower” series. I am officially sucked into this work of fiction.

Matthew and I joined Netflix, thanks to a suggestion and free trial from Shannon, my Bend friend. Our first movie arrived yesterday, and we watched it last night.

So I receive this “exclusive” letter from Nebraska Furniture Mart today about a “members-only” special: 18 months interest-free on purchases $299 or more.

You see, NFM sells iPods, and I’m getting ready for a new one.

Do I need a new iPod?

No.

Do I want a new iPod?

Absolutely.

I mean, a color screen iPod for the same price I paid for my black-and-white iPod?